Thursday, September 24

TJ Oshie & Patrik Berglund

Another toofer, beeches. Yeah, you should love me.


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Name: TJ Oshie & Patrik Berglund
DOB: December 23, 1986 & June 2, 1988
Age Range: Yes & Yes
Height: 5'11" & 6'4"
General Information: Both play hockey for the St. Louis Blues. Are totally "Best Friends". Live together. Have a dog together.
Oshie: Scored his first goal against Detroit! Got arrested with Jonathan Toews back in the day. Has a thing with Rick Nash (not like that).
Berglund: Tall, Swedish, Blonde. Not really that much info about him, so those three things should be enough.
Related Things:
Watch these two videos. They are so freaking worth it. Or at least watch the first one because Berglund is adorable and Oshie is too and they're totally gay. Plus, the interviewer is freaking amazing.
Watch This AND This.




Touring the appartment.
Oshie's showing everything.
Bergie's chilling in the background on the couch.


Tuesday, September 22

Jonathan Toews



Name: Jonathan Toews
DOB: April 29, 1988
Age Range: YES!
Height: 6'2"
General Information: Plays hockey for the Chicago Blackhawks. My mom loves him (she doesn't know anything about him except what he looks like, his age, and that he wear the C). Was arrested with TJ Oshie back in the day. "Toews is fluently bilingual in both of Canada's official languages." - speaks French & English (so much easier to say). Has a voice that should not be coming out of him face. Captain Serious. Had two facial expressions: Serious Business & Surprised.
Related Things:

What he would look like waking up in my bed.


Do you know how often hockey players are shirtless (not counting you, Joe Thornton!)? Not often. We, meaning the lady fans and the gay/bi fans, take what we can.


Gah! I ♥ his voice that should not be coming out of that face.


So, this is kinda annoying, but hey! He's speaking French!

Monday, September 21

Evgeni Malkin

'Sup my niggas?
Was that racist? I don't think so.

Anyway, I am sitting here waiting for my Dinosaur class to start and I realised that I could be doing something way more interesting than sitting here like a bump on a log. I says to meself, "I could be updating Caitie's Future Husbands". I says that to meself so it must be true. If you just got that reference, congratulations to you! You win my life (this is a prize! Shutup!). If you didn't get it, then go suck a dick because you must not know me. It's PETER PAN bitches! Anywho, without further adieu, I bring you a hottie.


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Name: Evgeni Malkin (Geno)
DOB: July 31, 1986
Age Range: Yes
Height: 6'3"
General Information: Russian. Adorable. Plays hockey for the Pittsburgh Penguins. Won the Stanley Cup; won the Conn Smythe Trophy - playoff MVP. His girlfriend, quite possibly, may in fact be a whore, which makes him a pimp (was that too mean? I don't think so).
Related Things:

Adorable Ass Russian




How much do you love him? Because I know it's got to be alot.

Vincent Lecavalier



Name: Vincent Lecavalier
DOB: April 21, 1980
Age Range: No, sadly
Height: 6'4" bitches, he's tall!
General Information: Is the Captain of the Tampa Bay Lightning. Won the Stanley Cup in 2004. Has been in a relationship best friends with Brad Richards since they were 14. He was on the cover of NHL 06. Donates a shitload of money and time to charities.
Related Things:



That sweater is the straightest thing I've ever seen.

Saturday, September 19

Caitie's Future Wives (Once Prop 8 Is Repealed & People Learn To Get Over Their BitchAssNess) / Sophia Myles

'Sup bitches? Today's Saturday, and if you read the disclaimer you would know what that means.

It's time for CAITIE'S FUTURE WIVES (Once Prop 8 Is Repealed & People Learn To Get Over Their BitchAssNess). Let us not be late.


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Name: Sophia Myles
DOB: March 18, 1980
Age Range: No
General Information: Isolde in the brilliant masterpiece known as Tristan + Isolde. Also in Underworld. Allegedly boned James Franco. Dated David Tennant. Ridiculously pretty. Was in Moonlight (did not deserve to be cancelled).
Related Things: She is British.

Tuesday, September 15

Taylor Lautner



Name: Taylor Lautner
DOB: February 11, 1992
Age Range: Yes
Height: 5' 10"
General Information: He was Sharkboy. I only stopped calling him that recently because Hot Damn! he got hot. Is French, Dutch, and German. Got all muscley for New Moon.
Related Things:
5 Reasons to Love him


Goddamn!
Look at his sexy underage ass!

Monday, September 14

Generally Sad WTFness

Friends. I just want to say that on Saturday, the great team known as the San Jose Sharks traded some of the hottness they had. They traded Milan Michalek and Jonathan Cheechoo for Dany Heatley.

Let me repeat that. They traded one of my original future husbands (Michalek) and my only Age Range exception (Cheech) for Dany freaking Heatley. WTF, San Jose? WTF? How am I supposed to meet and fall in love with Milan Michalek while he's buying bread at a grocery store now? TELL ME HOW?!

Anyway, I don't know if you know what they look like, so I'm going to show you.

+
Now do you see why I am so distraught?

Sorry that this post is not about one hottie, but I could not hold my silence (on this site) anymore. I'm still really upset and I just got back to Sacramento, only to cry over my Michalek and Cheech gear since THEY'RE NO LONGER SHARKS!


This? This right here?


This is my heart breaking.

Sunday, September 13

Alex Ovechkin & Alexander Semin

Friends, I bring you a gift. A gift called a toofer. What is a toofer? Why, a toofer is a two-for-one. Today is a toofer. Be lucky that you get this happiness.



Name: Alex Ovechkin & Alexander Semin
DOB: September 17, 1985 & March 3, 1984
Age Range: Yes & Yes
Height: 6'2" & 6'2"
General Information: Both play hockey for the Washington Capitals (meaning, I'm biased).
Ovie: One of the top players in the league. Gap toothed. Has his own clothing line. YouTube hockey videos are filled with endless dumbassery about whether he's the best player in the league or whether it's Crosby (it's neither).
Sasha: Doesn't speak English (to the press at least, but he more than likely does speak it). Wears bright colors. Not gap toothed.
Related Things:

Adorable


So Cute

Friday, September 11

First Post / Ryan Lochte

Hey! This shall be the first post in Caitie's Future Husbands. This is also going to be a trial post. Meaning, I don't know what I want to put on here whenever I post about my boys. This shall be a trial run to see whether I should add more information, or less information. Now, let's move on to the hottie!


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I bring you an oldie (meaning I've loved him for about 5 years), but goodie.



Name: Ryan Lochte
DOB: August 3, 1984
Age Range: Yes
Height: 6'2"
General Information: Olympic Swimmer. He owns more shoes than any man should. His twitter is amazing. I love it. You should too. His hair is curly. Owns a grill. He is, quite possibly, stoned all the time. Loves Lil' Wayne. He's totally gay with Michael Phelps which caused me to start loving Michael Phelps due to the logic that if I sleep with Michael Phelps, it would be like sleeping with Ryan Lochte since we'd both have slept with the same person. Shut up! My logic is undeniable.
Related Things:
Love for McDonald's


GRILL!

The World According to Ryan Lochte
this just may be the best thing ever

All in all, I would love to eat McDonald's, listen to Weezy and wear grillz with him.